Chocolate Cake for the Soul / My Cure, My Poison

OH KOFI!

Oh Kofi!

Oh Kofi! but why?
How could you do this? How could you lie?
You said she was your ride or die
But you've left her with no goodbye
Kofi you promised you'll always be there
Ah but Kofi you are nowhere
Kofi the lover lover was just Kofi the liar liar
Chairman left her because she said no
He said just the tip or else he'll go
She gave him her heart but he wanted downstairs
So you run round having secret affairs
Kofi now you have six sides, chairman is a hexagon
Three in diaspora, three in Pentagon
Now she's preaching men are trash on Twitter
And posting self-love quotes on Insta
She'll recover after the tears
Because though she is little she is but fierce

(Based on a true story. Unfortunately.)


Today's message is going to be preached to three different congregations. Please find your category and take your seat. I'll start with the predators before the prey and end with the most dangerous group, the enablers (home support).

Self elected Chairmen of the council, I greet you. You think you are smart right? Modern day Einstein’s or? I don't blame you because I understand how good it feels. The thrill of the game, the excitement that runs through your body after the victory of a conquest. To be able to have your cake and eat it is a skill reserved for the gods, so for you mere mortals who have figured out how to do this, I hail you. But let's take a minute and think. If you channelled your so called super powers into something more profitable doesn't that make more sense. Would it not be better to employ your skills of creativity and your ability to come up with unbelievably believable lies on the spot for something more productive? But heaven forbid you spend your precious time to come up with revolutionary ideas that would change the fabric of society as we know it. No way. Not when there are still beds that don't know your name. Not when there are still virginal ears that have not been fed with your lies. Well it dey your there, or as we say in English, 'it is unto thee'. It's fun to eat your cake and have it but no matter how good chocolate cake is for the soul, too much of it will cause a tummy ache.

On behalf of my gender I apologise to all of you. But let's not pretend there are no guys who have also fallen victim to female predators. I know the temptation to blame yourself is strong but trust me it is not your fault. At least not completely. There's nothing wrong with believing and trying your hardest to see the good in a person. It is just unfortunate that the truth you saw was just a well constructed lie. These predators hide their insecurities behind a macho facade and try to compensate for their weaknesses by trying to look smarter than someone else. If you want to cry feel free. Just don't take too long. It is not your fault that you were the chosen one. But remember, fool me once shame on you but fool me twice shame on me.

Dear enablers, please why? Why do you think it is a good idea to support someone doing the wrong thing? Why? The reason I believe you are the scariest group is because of the role you play. The way you give assurance that he's a good guy. The way you say our wife when you know there are about 6 others. You think you're a real 'homie' because you're always there to cover up for him. I don't have advice for you. Just one word. Shame!

I've said all I have to say to all of you. A word to the wise is enough. I have given you many words. To all the Kofi's out there please behave yourselves. And to all those who have fallen victims please wise up.

Let's share the grace…